August 25, 2010

August 25, 2010 is the beginning of my new single life .. Yep my divorce was final .. I'm feeling a little numb bout the whole thing .. After all it took almost 2 years to complete being that i did it all on my own .. No Lawyer .. But its done now .. We are cool .. We had our ups and downs .. good and bad .. UGLY .. ins and outs .. more negative then good most of the time .. Only time we got along was when we were sexing .. LOL .. that we had no problem with .. It was everything else we had a problem .. But all in all .. its over and done with .. I still cant figure out why I feeling so numb about this .. After all I knew that this day was coming .. Maybe it is a good thing .. I have been going through a lot of emotions the last couple of weeks up to this day .. So feeling numb is maybe a good thing .. I just wish that he cant give the porn star sex that we had to someone else ... LMAO .. Got to let that go to .. O well .. So now that day has come to take back my former name .. Ive got a lot of papers to change .. UGH .. Hopefully it will be a smooth transition .. But its over now .. FREEDOM

Moving On

Now its time to move on .. I have to accept & face facts for what they are .. I've held on to this long enough .. I prayed that all this would be over & done .. I tried to block out what I was feeling .. Then in blink of an eye .. I came face to face wit reality .. All those feelings I thought I had under control came flooding back .. I spazzed .. I was hurt .. I was so hurt .. Moving on now .. I'm gonna throw myself into loving me more .. Being a better mother to my kids .. They are at ages where they need more & more every other day .. LOL .. I need to stay focus .. Joy does come in the morning .. So thanks reality for being true to what you are .. Reality

Til Next Time

~Just As I Am~

Father's Day

Now today is Father's Day .. but what really is a father these days and times .. its more then giving your child their last name .. it more then signing the birth certificate .. it more then paying child support if the mother gets any .. its more then saying those my kids .. let's see .. father is going to be in their childs life come hell or high water .. there is nothing a mother could do about it .. fathers are going to be there to protect their children from hurt harm or danger .. fathers should be the ones that invoke fear into their children when that child no they done messed up .. fathers should be there to tell their daughters this dude is wrong dude .. fathers should be there to tell their sons how to be a man .. I'm not saying that there aren't men out there that aren't handling their biz .. cuz there are .. then there are the men that pay child support and call that being enough .. they hate their kids mother so much cuz she had baby that the baby goes wit out .. or say she keeping me from my child .. if a father really wants to be in their childs life .. there isn't a court or judge that will tell him he can't .. unless he done did some crazy shit .. once he got that order there is nothing that mother can say or do .. there are of mothers taking on role of being fathers .. why .. who else is gonna do it .. granted mothers can't teach a lil boy everything .. but all she can do is hope & pray that what she does teach him to be ready for what the world has to offer and hope that he makes right decisions in life .. so again I ask .. What Really Is A Father

Til Next Time

~Just As I Am~

Beach Body

I am a 4'll" 250 lb female. ... Shut up don't judge me ... I am to short to be weighing this much ... I have decided to do something about it ... I have decided to seriously get rid of this weight ... For health reasons and so I will be feel better ... I wasn't this heavy even when I was pregnant with either one of my kids ... I didn't get this heavy .. I blame it on the lifestyle I started leading ... I got comfortable thinking that I would never get any bigger then I was .. I went from being 120-130 lbs to over 200 lbs in a matter of months ... Now I'm on a mission to get rid of all this weight ... I want what I had back .. I got my P90X kit today .. Starting Monday its on and popping ... I heard good things about those videos and I hope they are worth every penny ... $120 ... Its going to be hard work ... But I'm willing and able to do ... So watch out world ... Amanda is coming back with a vengeance

Til Next Time

~Just As I Am~

Its amazing how effective this word is .... NO .... U really forget meaning until somebody cuts u wit it .. Today I was suppose to see if I could get this job ... $17/hr ... SMH .. Had to pass on it .. Cuz u told me I couldn't borrow ur car ... I'll admit I was feeling some type of way bout .. Especially reason u gave me .. But hey .. I went prayed about it .. I'm ok now .. But after telling me .. No .. Look what u turn round ask me .. To do something for u .. WOW .. Just that fast tables have turned .. So now u gonna cuss me out cuz I told u .. No .. But u no what I should have said .. Yes .. Then u would have felt bad for telling me .. No .. Its all good .. Cuz I always say .. Yes .. When I should be saying .. No .. Let's see how .. No .. Works ..

Til Next Time

Just As I Am

Its Over

U no I'm breathing easier now .. I hear things clearer .. I see things clearer .. Its amazing how things turn out when u just let go .. When u no that u truly let go .. When u find out something that u would normally trip bout .. Instead u laugh it off .. Cuz once again the lie u told .. Actual truth of it finally revealed its self .. Like it always does .. Its all good .. As I walk on this journey called life .. I'm sure there will be more things that will come to pass .. I'm ready .. Wit the Lord on my side I'm ready ..

Til Next Time

~Just As I Am~

One Flaw

One Flaw In Women

Women have strengths that amaze men.

They bear hardships and they carry burdens,

but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy

and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in.

They stand up to injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer

when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel

and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about

a birth or a wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member,

yet they are strong when they

think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss

can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you

to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what

makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.

They have compassion and ideas.

They give moral support to their

family and friends.

Women have vital things to say

and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,

IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.